It has been three years that I am living in Canada now and one thing that I am still grappling with is the cultural differences in friendship. I remember a conversation that I had with a friend of mine a few years ago. He was insisting that I needed to manage my expectations in friendship. “You cannot expect the relationship that you have with your Mauritian friends here”, he stressed. I keep this conversation in the back of my mind , especially when I tend to think that there is no such thing as “deep friendship” in North America. The thing is that I have realized that the meaning of friendship differs from one culture to another, I just need to change my threshold. Most of my intercultural friendship faux-pas stemmed from different expectations of what constitutes a friendship and how it comes into being.

Society and Culture Impact Friendship

In my years here, I have come to understand my culture better compared to when I was still living in Mauritius. What I have realized is that Mauritians are very community-driven and this influences the way we form friendships. Mauritian friendship tends to be more dependent and have more obligations. When you are friends with someone, you might put yourself aside and drop everything that you have been doing to help your friend out. While on the other hand, Canadians tend to be more individualistic. Consequently, they expect their friends to be more independent. You can ask your friend for something, but you can expect them to say no. They will help you out as long as whatever you require of them does not entail causing them discomfort.

Different Concepts of Friendship

The definition of friendships in the Great White North has thrown me off balance a couple of times. It is not easy to make friends in Mauritius as it requires a lot of time. Having common hobbies or passing some time together does not necessarily mean that you are friends with someone. Your colleague with whom you collaborate on different kinds of projects and with whom you have a good relationship is not necessarily your friend for instance. I find that the term “friend” can be employed very loosely in Canada compared to Mauritius where the term is more restrictive linguistically and socially.  Mauritians have two types of relationships: “les copains”, people that you see once in a while to do activities but the relationship tends to be more superficial and more for companionship whereas “les amis” are people with whom you have a deeper relationship. It takes a long period of time before becoming someone’s friend in Mauritius. The person is tested in different ways to determine whether they are trustworthy, reliable, and supportive…It demands a keen interest and awareness of the person’s temperament, intellect, and particular interest.

Canadians’ concept of friendship on the other hand tends to be more fluid and dynamic. Canadian friendship has various gradients of depth and commitment and still be considered a friendship.  A person with whom you hang out occasionally can be labelled a friend, even the people with whom you collaborate on a project. I did not realize this until I sent a coworker a message telling them to enjoy their holidays and they told me that they were missing me. The comment threw me off balance because, in my mind, I had not reached that level of relationship with them. If I was still in Mauritius, I would have been freaked out. Yet, I have come to understand and accept the fact that Canadians exist in a social paradigm that is different from mine. I have started to step away from my parochial convictions of how relationships should be formed and allow my new experiences to refurbish my attitudes.

Lost in Cultural Translation

It goes without saying that this is a work in progress that consists of a lot of trial and error that translates into some misunderstanding and getting lost in cultural translations. There is always an area in their lives that I can never quite grasp. I do not understand some foods, movies, holidays, traditions, or even thought processes. This is mainly due to the fact that we do not have the same cultural history for me to effortlessly understand them sometimes.

Fear of Offending

I sometimes find myself tiptoeing cautiously around my Canadian friends as I try to tame my “opinionated Mauritian self”. Back home, it is normal to give your opinion to people about things even though you have not been solicited in the first place. I would often be greeted with comments like: “Oh you have gained weight!” People would also ask me questions about my age, marital status, etc…While here it is very impolite to ask people about these kinds of things. I inadvertently offended someone last time because I said “You look really tired. Are you okay?” This might seem inoffensive but apparently here it is perceived as if you told that person that they do not look good today. In Mauritius, it would just mean that you care for that person and was wondering whether they are sick.

I feel like these different experiences have helped me gain and enhance my cultural awareness. I am broadening the scope of my understanding of the world and navigating the complex foreign society that I have chosen to live in. As I trade everything that I have learned with new concepts, I am learning how to be more humble and broaden my perspective of life and social norms. How about you? What were your main takeaways from befriending people from different cultural backgrounds and nationalities? I am all ears!